How Children Experience and Express Grief

Age-appropriate ways to help children cope with loss

As adults, we know that grief is complicated.

But for children, it can feel even more confusing.

They may not have the words—or even the awareness—to describe what they’re feeling.

Instead, grief often shows up through behavior: clinginess, anger, sudden regression, or even laughter at unexpected moments.

I often meet parents here at Morrisville Counseling & Consulting who are worried that their child isn’t “grieving the right way.”

They might not be crying, or they may seem fine one day and devastated the next. What I remind them is this: children grieve differently than adults, but their feelings are just as real.

In this article, I’ll share how kids experience grief at different ages, what signs to look for, and how parents can gently guide their children through the healing process.

Understanding Grief in Children

Grief is the body and mind’s way of adjusting to loss—whether it’s the death of a loved one, a pet, a friend moving away, or even a major life change like divorce or relocation.

Unlike adults, children’s grief often comes in short bursts. They may feel sad one minute, then start playing the next. This doesn’t mean they’re “over it.” Their brains can only process so much emotional pain at once before they need a break.

Children also take their cues from the adults around them. When we speak openly and calmly about loss, we show them that grief is something they can handle too.

How Grief Looks at Different Ages

Every child is unique, but here’s how grief often appears across developmental stages:

🧸 Preschool (Ages 2–5)

At this age, children don’t fully understand that death or loss is permanent. They may ask repetitive questions like, “When is Grandma coming back?” or think the person who died is simply sleeping.

Common signs:

• Regression (bedwetting, clinginess, baby talk)

• Acting out or throwing tantrums

• Fear of separation

How to help: Keep explanations simple and honest. Say, “Grandma died, which means her body stopped working and she can’t come back.” Reassure them they are safe and loved. Maintain daily routines—they provide comfort and predictability.

🎒 Elementary School (Ages 6–11)

School-aged children begin to understand that death is permanent, but they may struggle with feelings of guilt or magical thinking (“If I had been good, this wouldn’t have happened”).

Common signs:

• Worry about their own or others’ safety

• Trouble concentrating in school

• Sleep problems or stomachaches

• Mood swings or irritability

How to help: Encourage questions and emotional expression through drawing, writing, or storytelling. Help them name their feelings—sad, mad, confused, scared. Be honest about your own emotions too: “I miss Grandpa today. It’s okay to feel sad.”

💬 Teenagers (Ages 12–18)

Teens understand death much like adults, but they often feel pressure to appear “strong.” They may isolate, act angry, or throw themselves into distractions.

Common signs:

• Withdrawal from friends or family

• Risky behavior or changes in grades

• Emotional numbness or cynicism

• Over-responsibility (trying to “take care” of others)

How to help: Give them space, but stay connected. Let them know their feelings are valid and that grief has no timeline. Encourage healthy outlets like sports, art, journaling, or spending time outdoors. And remind them: vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s part of healing.

How Parents Can Support and Participate in the Healing Process

Grief can make parents feel helpless—especially when you’re trying to manage your own emotions while caring for your child’s. But healing doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. It means being present, honest, and willing to feel alongside them.

Here are some ways you can help guide your child through grief in a healthy, connected way:

💬 1. Talk About the Loss Honestly

Children need simple, concrete explanations. Avoid vague phrases like “went to sleep” or “passed away,” which can be confusing or even frightening. Instead, use clear language—“Your friend died, and that means we won’t see them anymore, but we can still remember and love them.”

Be open to questions, even if they come up again and again. Repetition is how kids process big emotions.

🖍️ 2. Create Rituals of Remembrance

Rituals help children externalize their grief. Try:

• Lighting a candle and sharing memories

• Planting a tree or flower together

• Making a memory box or scrapbook

• Drawing pictures or writing letters to the person or pet they’ve lost

These small acts give children a tangible way to express love and remembrance—turning pain into something meaningful.

🧩 3. Model Healthy Coping

Kids watch how you handle grief more than they listen to your words.

Let them see you cry. Let them hear you say, “I’m sad today, but it helps to talk about it.” This teaches them that expressing emotion is safe and healthy—not something to hide.

At the same time, show them balance: continue daily routines, enjoy small moments, and emphasize that it’s okay to feel joy and grief at the same time.

🤝 4. Keep Communication Open

Check in gently. Instead of asking, “Are you okay?” try “What’s been on your mind about Grandma lately?” or “What’s been the hardest part for you?” 

You might not always get a big answer, but the invitation to talk tells your child they’re not alone in their pain.

💞 5. Seek Support Together if Needed

If your child’s grief feels stuck or overwhelming, consider reaching out for family therapy or child counseling.

Working with a therapist provides a safe space for everyone to process their emotions and learn coping tools together.

At Morrisville Counseling & Consulting, we help families across Morrisville, Raleigh, Cary, and Durham navigate grief with compassion and understanding.

Whether through play therapy, expressive arts, or family sessions, we help parents and children reconnect and heal together.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Supporting a grieving child while managing your own emotions can be one of the hardest things a parent faces.

But you don’t have to have all the right words or know exactly what to do. Your willingness to stay close, listen, and love through the messiness is what truly helps your child heal.

🌿 Schedule a free 15-minute consultation today to learn how we can support your family through loss and help you rebuild a sense of connection and peace.