Loneliness in the Triangle: Why So Many People Feel Disconnected — and What Helps

Heather Steele
6 minutes ago
4 min read

By Heather Steele, MS, CPC, LCAS, LCMHC-QS

When I talk with clients here in Morrisville — and with people coming from Raleigh, Durham, Cary, and Apex — one theme comes up again and again:

“I feel alone… even when I’m not actually by myself.”

Parents say it.

College graduates say it.

High-achieving professionals say it.

Retirees say it.

Loneliness has become so widespread that the U.S. Surgeon General has declared it a public health crisis, noting that nearly half of U.S. adults report experiencing loneliness.¹

And despite how private or shameful loneliness can feel, the research tells us something important:

This isn’t a personal failure.

It’s a cultural and relational problem.

Let’s explore what loneliness actually is, why it’s becoming so common nationally and here in the Triangle, how it affects mental health, and what genuinely helps people reconnect.

What Loneliness Actually Is

Loneliness isn’t simply being physically alone.

It’s the painful gap between the connection you have and the connection you need.

The U.S. Surgeon General describes loneliness as a subjective emotional experience, not an external circumstance.¹

That’s why someone can be surrounded by coworkers, neighbors, or even family — and still feel deeply disconnected.

Clients often describe it this way:

“I go to work, come home, and feel like no one really knows me.”
“I have friends, but none I could call in a crisis.”
“I’m always supporting others, but I don’t feel supported myself.”

These are the emotional signatures of loneliness — and they’re far more common than most people realize.

How Widespread Is Loneliness?

Extremely — and growing.

National research shows:

Nearly half of U.S. adults report experiencing loneliness.¹
36% of Americans — including 61% of young adults — report serious loneliness.²
A 2019 Cigna study found that 61% of Americans felt lonely.³
Globally, about one in four adults report feeling lonely.⁴

Loneliness is no longer a niche experience.

It’s one of the defining mental health challenges of our time.

Why Loneliness Is a Mental and Physical Health Issue

Loneliness isn’t just emotional discomfort.

Research shows it is associated with increased risk of:

Depression
Anxiety
Sleep problems
Cognitive decline
Cardiovascular disease
Stroke
Earlier mortality¹

The Surgeon General emphasizes that chronic loneliness is linked to serious health risks — comparable to other major public health concerns.

In other words, loneliness isn’t just “sadness.”

It’s a health issue.

Why the Triangle Is Especially Vulnerable to Loneliness

The Triangle reflects national loneliness trends — and in some ways, intensifies them.

A Region Full of Newcomers

The Triangle is one of the fastest-growing regions in the country, attracting people for careers, education, and opportunity.

That growth often means:

Leaving behind long-term friendships
Limited nearby family support
Starting over socially as an adult
Feeling disconnected even after years in the area

Clients often say:

“I love living here, but I haven’t found my people.”
“Everyone else seems established.”
“I feel like I should be happier here than I am.”

They’re not alone.

Much of the Triangle is made up of people quietly rebuilding community from scratch.

A High-Achieving, High-Pressure Culture

The Triangle attracts professionals in tech, research, biotech, healthcare, education, and engineering.

These are incredible opportunities — but they often come with:

Long hours
High expectations
Career-first identities
Exhaustion that crowds out relationships

Many clients admit:

“I want deeper friendships, but I’m depleted.”
“It feels like everyone here is always working.”

Learn more about the stress and anxiety of high achievers.

Remote and Hybrid Work

Remote and hybrid work have removed many of the small, daily moments of connection:

Hallway conversations
Shared lunches
Casual check-ins
Organic friendships

People spend hours on Zoom and still feel unseen.

As one client told me: “I talk to people all day — but none of them really know me.”

The Pressure to Appear Put-Together

In achievement-oriented environments like the Triangle, many people feel pressure to appear successful, stable, and self-sufficient.

Loneliness becomes invisible — not because it isn’t there, but because no one feels safe talking about it. Or talking about therapy.

How Loneliness Shows Up Emotionally

Loneliness often hides behind:

Overworking
Numbing with screens
Difficulty trusting others
Fear of being a burden
Staying in surface-level relationships
Anxiety in social settings

Many clients worry they’re “too late” to build real connection.

They’re not.

They just haven’t been given the right support yet.

What Actually Helps

1. Naming the Experience

Simply acknowledging loneliness — without shame — is therapeutic.

Loneliness isn’t a flaw. It’s a signal.

2. Prioritizing Real-World Connection

You don’t need dozens of friends. You need a few safe, consistent relationships.

That might look like:

Showing up weekly somewhere
Reconnecting with one trusted person
Joining a hobby, faith, or volunteer group
Making room for one intentional connection at a time

3. Reducing Passive Digital “Connection”

Replacing even a small amount of scrolling with in-person interaction makes a meaningful difference.

(Why do we "doomscroll"? Find out here.)

4. Examining the Beliefs Beneath Loneliness

In therapy, we often uncover beliefs like:

“I’m too much.”
“People leave.”
“I don’t belong.”
“Relationships take too much effort.”

These beliefs usually come from earlier experiences — not present reality.

5. Considering Counseling

Therapy provides:

Emotional support
A non-judgmental space to talk
Help healing relational wounds
Tools to rebuild connection
Guidance in forming secure attachments

Loneliness doesn’t mean you lack the ability to connect.

It means you’ve been without the connection you deserve.

Conclusion: You Are Not Alone — Even If It Feels That Way

Loneliness can feel like an invisible weight.

But you don’t have to carry it alone.

If you’re in Morrisville, Raleigh, Durham, Cary, Apex — or anywhere in the Triangle — and feeling disconnected or overwhelmed, I would be honored to support you.

Reach out for a free 15-minute consultation.

Let’s take this step toward connection — together.