Hi, I’m Heather Steele, therapist and owner of Morrisville Counseling and Consulting.
Talking about sexual trauma with a partner is a deeply personal experience, but it can lead to greater understanding and intimacy in your relationship.
Whether you’re the one sharing your story or the one listening, the following steps can help you approach this sensitive topic with care and compassion.
Advice for Sexual Trauma Survivors to Share Their Story
Sharing your story as a survivor is an act of bravery.
It’s okay to feel nervous or unsure about how to start.
The first step is deciding what you’re comfortable sharing.
You might want to focus on how the trauma affects you today rather than going into the details of what happened.
For example, you could say, “Sometimes I struggle with trust, and it’s because of something I went through in the past.”
It’s important to set boundaries. If certain topics feel too painful to discuss, you can let your partner know, “I’m not ready to talk about that yet.”
This allows you to stay in control of the conversation.
Practicing what you want to say can also make the process feel less daunting.
Try writing it down or rehearsing with a trusted friend or therapist.
A good opening might be, “I want to tell you something about my past that has shaped who I am today.”
Finally, choose a time and place where you feel safe. Maybe it’s during a quiet evening at home or on a walk where you won’t be interrupted.
Feeling secure in your environment can make it easier to open up.
How Partners of Sexual Trauma Survivors Can Prepare to Listen
As a partner, your main role is to provide support and understanding.
Before the conversation, it helps to educate yourself about how trauma impacts someone’s emotions and behavior.
Understanding that trauma can influence trust, intimacy, and even day-to-day interactions will help you approach the conversation with empathy.
Be prepared to listen without judgment.
Ask yourself, “Am I ready to hear this without making it about me?”
Your partner needs to feel safe sharing their story, and that means resisting the urge to offer solutions or compare their experience to your own.
Focus on providing comfort rather than satisfying curiosity.
Instead of asking detailed questions, reassure them with phrases like, “I’m so glad you feel comfortable telling me this.”
This shows that you prioritize their emotional safety over your need for information.
How to Approach the Conversation Together
For Survivors:
When starting the conversation, take small steps. You don’t have to reveal everything at once.
For example, you could say, “I’ve been through something in my past that sometimes makes me feel overwhelmed.”
Starting with general statements gives you room to gauge your comfort level as you continue.
It’s also helpful to let your partner know what you need from them.
For instance, you might say, “When I get triggered, it helps if you just sit with me quietly.”
Being specific about your needs can guide your partner in supporting you better.
If the conversation feels overwhelming, it’s okay to pause.
Take a deep breath or let your partner know, “I need a moment to gather my thoughts.”
Sharing your story is a process, not something that has to happen all at once.
For Partners:
When listening, practice active listening skills.
This means giving your full attention, nodding to show you’re engaged, and reflecting back what you hear.
For example, you might say, “It sounds like this has been really painful for you, and I appreciate you sharing it with me.”
Avoid saying anything that minimizes their experience, like, “That happened so long ago” or “You shouldn’t let it bother you anymore.”
Instead, validate their feelings by saying, “What you went through is valid, and I’m here to support you however I can.”
Respect their pace. If they seem hesitant to continue, let them know, “I’m here whenever you’re ready to share more.”
This shows that you respect their boundaries and are willing to wait until they feel ready.
How to Support Each Other After the Conversation
For Survivors:
Opening up about trauma can leave you feeling emotionally drained. After the conversation, take time to recharge.
Whether that’s journaling, taking a walk, or simply resting, prioritize activities that help you feel grounded.
It can also be helpful to seek professional support.
Working with a therapist gives you a space to process your emotions and build tools for navigating your relationship.
For Partners:
Check in with your partner regularly to show ongoing support.
Even something as simple as, “How are you feeling about what we talked about?” can keep the lines of communication open.
Educating yourself further about trauma and healing is another way to strengthen your partnership.
The more you understand what your partner is going through, the better equipped you’ll be to support them.
How Therapy can Help Survivors of Sexual Trauma
While open communication is essential, some aspects of trauma and relationships are best addressed with professional guidance.
A therapist can help survivors work through their experiences and teach couples how to rebuild trust and intimacy. Learn more about how we can help here.
At Morrisville Counseling and Consulting, our staff specializes in trauma therapy and relationship counseling. If you or your partner are ready to take the next step, we are here to help.
Let’s work together to create a path toward healing and connection. Reach out today to schedule an appointment.
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